to fat bastards.

a hardened criminal.

so jail wasn't actually that bad at all. there are stories and such about being raped in the shower stalls and stuff, but when i went in it wasn't like that at all. calvin, who drove me, was planning on taking me and going and saying "ok honey i'm gonna miss you, take care of yourself" or some other gay type of phrase, but thankfully he refrained.

i went in expecting to do about 18-20 hours, to finish up my 24 hour mandated sentence, but i got a lucky break and due to oconee county laws, time served there counts as double. which meant that the time i served when i first got arrested (about 5 hours) counted for ten and therefore the remaining 14 hours was in actuality just 7. so i went in at 8 p.m. and got out at 3 a.m. this morning. not bad, not bad.

when i came in, they put me in a holding cell with locks and mesh caging, which sucks. it was where i spent the first 5 hours, and there is no view of any type of clock, just two walls and a small room to stare at for hours on end. i talked with a black guy who was being held there for driving with a suspended license. we talked a bit and i mostly just stared at graffitti for about 45 minutes until they decided that i was destined for better things.

i got moved to an area that is in front of the actual jail cells, which was a relief because i could hear people yelling and screaming in there, beyond a door with no light coming from behind it. the room i was put in was more like a college dorm room, kinda small but with enough room for 4 beds and a tv. 3 other guys were in there, who were described to me as "trustees." basically that means they were guys who just violated probation or child payment plans, small-time stuff, and did odd jobs around the jail cell while not really being treated as serious law-breakers, although their sentences were for months instead of my 7 hours.

there were two black guys and a white guy, ages 23, 50, and 19 respectively. the old black guy was the designated chef there, and they were all really nice and friendly. they set up a bed for me and made many offers to get a drink or food for me. it was all pretty lax. as the night went on, all we basically did was watch BET or MTV or whatever they thought was interesting that night. i think we caught some law & order. a funny point came when we were watching one of those "top model" shows with that supermodel, i forgot her name. as the show went on, the guys were saying how hot the girls were, after they had their penises cut off from a sex change, and i was like "wtf." that's when i realized we were watching "transexual top models," which in retrospect i find ironic. the officers showed me a small library of books they had there and invited me to read whatever i wanted. so i read a john grisham novel, chatted with the other trustees, watched tv, and we all went out to smoke about every hour or so. around 1 a.m., i got a little hungry, so i asked the chef to cook something for me. i ended up having two steaks, mashed potatoes, some macaroni and cheese, a dinner roll, and finished with some bluebell mint chocolate chip ice cream.

after all that, we just chilled and they went to sleep. funny enough, all the chairs in the room were old leather executive chairs made for offices, so i sat in one of those and read until my time was up. at 3 a.m. on the dot, the officers let me out and said to take care, which i thought was really nice. they even let me keep the book i was reading. and, as i expected, calvin was late in coming to pick me up. half an hour late, to be exact. which for him isn't that bad. i kind of expected him to confuse the time, thinking that maybe i was supposed to get out at 3 p.m. instead of 3 a.m., but he got it right. the bastard. and that was that. not really that bad at all. everyone was really friendly, we watched a lot of tv, i got to get an interesting book, and finished up all of my jail time.

oh yeah, and on the way there, calvin talked about his incessant need to buy furniture, which he admitted was very gay. and his tendency to fixate on furniture offerings from ikea magazines while taking long, protracted shits.

morale of the story: bitches ain't nothing but hoes and tricks.

one problem down, i don't know how many more left to go

i have absolutely no clue who these people are.and it's not gay, as long as the balls don't touch.


now this is gay. not just the outfit, but the attitude, the bright and smoldering homosexuality radiating from calvin tse's eyes (any guys looking for a good time, give him a call at 256-457-2668).


this is der piao wearing a tie. he didn't like it, but he really should learn to grow up someday and look respectable. we can't all be kids forever. including you, der piao.


chinese summer camp (which i didn't go to this year cause no one told me about it and i didn't have the time anyway in retrospect) reunion. there was plenty of cake throwing, but i only got a few pics cause of the weather. btw, this is once again crying red-eyed dragon, awoken from his long slumber to be as retarded looking as he usually is (just kidding, kevin).


a person who shall only be identified as "justin." this is not her real name. it might be ridiculously close to her real name, but i'll let you be the judge of that. anyway, in this photo, she is shown to closely resemble the long-extinct and perhaps fictional american indian.


i too, was a victim in the cake fight, which turned out to be a war of attrition. most people who saw me thought this was blood. that's ok, because i like to think i was covered in the blood of my many enemies. ho ho ho. anyway, my shirt got completely soaked in ultimate frisbee, so i borrowed the white shirt seen here from dragon. it smelled like horse shit. really, it was sweaty and dirty and pretty nasty. thank you, dragon.


.




shinya, a japanese friend of a friend who got really wasted and puked 4-5 times, in our mutual friend's car (2x) and also puked all over another friend. he later took his pants off for some reason and i'm glad i don't have pictures of that. oh, and he kept calling everyone "motherfuckers" like it was significant somehow. good times, good times.


this is jay. he was the friend shinya threw up on, as noticed by him washing his shirt in the sink of a waffle house bathroom. he's korean, and not a bad one at that. at least, i don't think he eats any dogs.


cindy and me. she's got the whole fake smile thing going on, and i have the whole "man i don't wanna take a picture with cindy" thing going on. either way, she's short. but don't take my word for it, feel free to meet her in person. just prepare yourself to feel like yao ming.


isabella and me. i was blatantly staring at her chest in the picture while she just as blatantly was closing her eyes in imagination of all the rapturous pleasure she could derive from me staring at her chest. i don't think we're ready to break this to her parents yet, though.

wow, that was more pictures than i normally put up. and if you couldn't tell, i'm joking with almost all the comments to these pictures, so don't take them seriously. and kan is gay.

long time no see

i saw this kid on a subway up in new york and it just looked so funny. yes, i know there will be child molestation jokes made about me by my more retarded friends. that's ok, because they are furiously homosexual.



these are two of those violently homosexual friends of mine. actually, let's call them "acquaintances." the one with his back arched with an almost eerily feminine grace is philip. he said (quote) "you know, if a guy is cute, then i naturally want to get to know him more." the sleeping beauty is justin. he believes that whatever happens here is not gay as long as the balls don't touch.


and this picture proves my statement about justin. ji hu took his turn after philip, but here we can see that instead of a "bitch/pimp" situation that many homosexual couples enjoy, ji hu and justing are both merely equal bitches.


here we have akira. so pimp that he only goes by one name. he's japanese, and a confirmed hentai. but don't let his badass pose fool you, he's strong but also tender-hearted. he knows many women and used to be in a rock band. you can see him at suno at random intervals.

to conclude this entry, life sucks.

oh em gee.